I have been thinking about him so much lately. I guess with everything surrounding children and loss and donating our time to make a difference, I just can't help but think of our story. Maybe someone needs to hear it. It will be long, but this is not a story of sympathy, but of hope and praising God for his love.
Isaac had just turned three years old when he was diagnosed with Autism. This was a word I had never even heard of except in the movie Rainman and I really did not understand it then. It started out with delay in speech, screaming at everything, odd behavoirs and fascinations with objects. I just kept telling myself, he will catch up, everything is fine, not my baby. I can remember distinctly the day at the pediatrician's office when she brought it up to me. I was outraged, hurt, scared.....I called my sister to drive me home from the office. I came home and spoke to no one for several days, I just wanted to hold him and not let anything touch him. I had four months until he could be scheduled for a diagnosis. I can remember walking into his room one night after Phillip had gone to bed and falling on my face before God. (you here about this in the bible and it is so true, you can litterally be so helpless you will fall on your face before him). I pleaded with him, begged him, to just take it away. I argued that I had tried to be so faithful to him and this is what he gave me in return. I even went as far as to offer my own health for his. I was angry. I had never been angry at God before, but this time I was furious. And just as God always does he answered me.... You want Isaac. Right then he started a healing in me, I had just prayed that God take away this child I loved without measure and replace him with a "normal" version. I decided then that we would do whatever it took to help him succeed and never be ashamed of who he is. If the autism was gone, Isaac would be gone, it is part of him and we had to embrance it just as we did everyother thing about him. If I was ashamed of it then he would be ashamed of himself and that was NOT going to happen. Over the next four months, God healed my heart a little more everyday. Just as a Father should be, he was so patient. I swear there were days when I could feel him holdnig my hand in the doctor's offices or putting him arms around me as I pulled of the road just to cry. I was an emotional mess durnig this time in my life and I remember my friend Marie saying "He is precious and I love you" when I told her the news. That is all I wanted to hear. I did not want to hear, he will be okay, I was not sure yet, I did not want to hear I understand, because they didn't.
This is not an overnight miracle, it has taken years of hard work from that little boy, countless tears on my part, an awakening in Phillip that it was real, and God being there to hold us up along the way. Autism is not a word we whisper quietly around Isaac or keep secret to keep others from feeling uncomfortable. It is a title I now say with pride as I look at my boy who has surpassed all of the milestones that doctors, teachers, and even I set before him. I hope as he grows that he will be an inspiration to other children and parents. I can already say that he is my biggest inspiration and I look forward to seeing what else he has in store for us.
